I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
