he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
