Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
