i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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