Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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