Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
