Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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