I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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