I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
