break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
