new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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