I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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