Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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