Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
