i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
