i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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