I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize