I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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