she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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