stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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