i already hear my dad disowning me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
