The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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