After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
