I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
