My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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