I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
