please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
