why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
