i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
