After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
