I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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