I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize