I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
