i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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