Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
