Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
