New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nutella sex= disaster
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize