have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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