Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
