he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am naked and annoyed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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