matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
