He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
