Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
