She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
