Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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