It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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