Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
