So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
