she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
