is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
