I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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