Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Randomize
