I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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