dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
