Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize