My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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