Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
