Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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