I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
