Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
