Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
