So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
