Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
