Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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