I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so let's talk penis.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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