No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize