nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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