Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
