how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
